September 17, 2010

Leaving this blog for Twitter

loyal follower you can now find me on twitter
I write on it everyday, a lot more entertaining

May 9, 2010

I Am Not Peter Helliar, I Am A Human Being!

I am not Peter Helliar.
I was at a party last night and an asian girl
yelled out "Peter Helliar!" as I walked off the dance floor.

Sure, I high-fived her but deep down I felt it was fatist.

Being overweight in Melbourne, you're about
 as popular as a Jew in Nazi occupied Germany.

I should have said:
"Thanks for that Poh from Masterchef!"

April 18, 2010

Hello Lauren!

Pretty much everytime I've seen my friend Lauren Bamford recently she has said that she goes to check my blog
and is disappointed nothing new is up....

I've been a bit hesistant to add much to this blog, seeing as much of it was written in an incredibly manic state.

Though seems to make for good reading.

However as Lauren pointed out, I can just add stuff that I think is cool.

Anyway first  I'll throw up link to my solo act Rentboy's Nocturnal Emissions e.p.
the link is here for a free download.


Things have been o.k so far this year, peformed a couple of solo gigs, Midnight Caller
also have a new set of songs which we can't wait to playlive.

That's enough for today....

Here's an awesome live clip of Gang of Four doing  "Anthrax"
One of my favourite songs.

December 10, 2009

Fun Beatles "Facts"

1. "When I'm Sixty Four" was originally  sung to the tune of "You're A Dirty Whore"
2. Ringo was actually a really good looking mole that George found when
planting some dope seeds. He shaved him and taught him to count to four.
3. Brian Epstein wasn't gay he was just very neat.
4. John Lennon admitted in private that "Norweigan Wood" was about waking up with a piss-fat.
5. If you slow down all the Beatles recordings by roughly fifty percent, they sound like Barry White taking
a shit.
6. Paul McCartney. What a prick.

December 2, 2009

Nice thing about today

An indian dude who'd just got off a tram gave me his tram ticket whilst I was waiting for the tram.

November 27, 2009

Some Random Observations

*One of Metallica's best songs is actually a cover: "The Small Hours"
*Lily Allen should be glad she at least has a wet patch to wake up in
*Friendship is relative
* I really like the blue/red/green/black coloured pens that Bic makes but feel
they aren't as well made as they used to be.
*Sobriety has so far made me a social vegetable
*Happiness is relative
*Modern porn is far too agressive
*Sign of old age: I'm funny, except a lot of Gen Yers I've met don't get  my jokes
*But I feel 15 in my head
*The crazy shit you find in asian shops, is that their normal shit?
 In Asia do they shop at even crazier places for stuff or is their version of wacky stuff our normal shit?
*The Doors movie is still hilarious.Val Kilmer as Jim says at one point poetically
"Let's get tacos!"

November 25, 2009

Market Research

'Dear Sir/Madam I am ringing as a random result of the needs of commerce to help produce statistical phenomena at the lower end of the strata, which will one day produce a Sexy Graph that Business Guy can bring into a meeting and flop out like so much virtual sweaty cock cheese balls.If you would like I can email you a photo of me regretting my life in the carpark during smoko'

November 20, 2009


I was just at the Woolies supermarket before in the so-called "express lane"
Person at the start of the cue had fuckloads more than fifteen items and a "I'm a middle-aged woman with 10 cards and two kids don't fuck with me" look.
Next up, minutes later, the old greek man in front of me was arguing the price of his three mangoes with the worn out looking younger checkout guy.
"Hey the boss tell you to charge more for profit aye" the greek manjibed.
I joked "The boss probably hasn't even got out of bed yet."

As he served me the checkout dude said
"Don't you love working Fridays, I'm so worn out."
"I work at a call centre" I said, "It's soul destroying"
 "Yeah whereas this is more spirit crushing"
We laughed. 

So much for Thank God Its Friday. Am working tomorrow, still not drinking.
As my friend Dennis says : "Get the cash"

Christmas coming up and a break from work in the interim.
I will have my first drink in months in Hobart and laugh about these horrible hot shitty work days.
Eye on the prize muthafucker.