Fun Beatles "Facts"

1. "When I'm Sixty Four" was originally  sung to the tune of "You're A Dirty Whore"
2. Ringo was actually a really good looking mole that George found when
planting some dope seeds. He shaved him and taught him to count to four.
3. Brian Epstein wasn't gay he was just very neat.
4. John Lennon admitted in private that "Norweigan Wood" was about waking up with a piss-fat.
5. If you slow down all the Beatles recordings by roughly fifty percent, they sound like Barry White taking
a shit.
6. Paul McCartney. What a prick.

Nice thing about today

An indian dude who'd just got off a tram gave me his tram ticket whilst I was waiting for the tram.

Some Random Observations

*One of Metallica's best songs is actually a cover: "The Small Hours"
*Lily Allen should be glad she at least has a wet patch to wake up in
*Friendship is relative
* I really like the blue/red/green/black coloured pens that Bic makes but feel
they aren't as well made as they used to be.
*Sobriety has so far made me a social vegetable
*Happiness is relative
*Modern porn is far too agressive
*Sign of old age: I'm funny, except a lot of Gen Yers I've met don't get  my jokes
*But I feel 15 in my head
*The crazy shit you find in asian shops, is that their normal shit?
 In Asia do they shop at even crazier places for stuff or is their version of wacky stuff our normal shit?
*The Doors movie is still hilarious.Val Kilmer as Jim says at one point poetically
"Let's get tacos!"

Market Research

'Dear Sir/Madam I am ringing as a random result of the needs of commerce to help produce statistical phenomena at the lower end of the strata, which will one day produce a Sexy Graph that Business Guy can bring into a meeting and flop out like so much virtual sweaty cock cheese balls.If you would like I can email you a photo of me regretting my life in the carpark during smoko'

TGIF

I was just at the Woolies supermarket before in the so-called "express lane"
Person at the start of the cue had fuckloads more than fifteen items and a "I'm a middle-aged woman with 10 cards and two kids don't fuck with me" look.
Next up, minutes later, the old greek man in front of me was arguing the price of his three mangoes with the worn out looking younger checkout guy.
"Hey the boss tell you to charge more for profit aye" the greek manjibed.
I joked "The boss probably hasn't even got out of bed yet."

As he served me the checkout dude said
"Don't you love working Fridays, I'm so worn out."
"I work at a call centre" I said, "It's soul destroying"
 "Yeah whereas this is more spirit crushing"
We laughed. 

So much for Thank God Its Friday. Am working tomorrow, still not drinking.
As my friend Dennis says : "Get the cash"

Christmas coming up and a break from work in the interim.
I will have my first drink in months in Hobart and laugh about these horrible hot shitty work days.
Eye on the prize muthafucker.

Bass in your face Interwebs...

Hello once more.
That's me in the corner providing the crowd with some bass when my
band Midnight Caller supported Flipper at the Brisbane Hotel
earlier this year.
Some excellent live recordings from this gig are on the Midnight Caller 
myspace.

Currently my solo thing Rentboy has new tracks up.
I created a new hip-hop song called "This Is Rentboy"

It's my first attempt at rap. It's just talking really.

"Like Willy Wonka I’ll fill your gut,

my guitars my pimp and my beats a slut"

I am currently finishing off the next  Rentboy recording to be titled Nocturnal Emissions
which will debut in the next issue of Womans Monthly,
a zine created in Tasmania. Did I mention I grew up there?

All my older Rentboy stuff is available from Consumer Productions.

So dudes, it was so fucking hot today in Fitzroy that in my over-heated state  I bought what I thought was a cheap lasagne and it turned out to be cheap chicken.
Whenever I try to beat the chicken it follows me around like a chook with its..um,whatever.

I'm going to start blogging more again as I am in fine spirits.
Speaking of which I was watching the latest Dr Who and he used the term "Blogger"
I cringed.
There is some funny old Dr Who on youtube, worth a gander.
My favourite was the Tom Baker era.
Fancy a Jelly Baby?

Casual misanthropy, deodorant and other thoughts...

Hmm.
Hello there.

It's hot Melbourne weather and I have my top off as I write this.

Don't worry, no photos.

I'll leave that image to your imagination.

It's Halloween and I'm wondering if I can pull off just wearing a hawaiian t-shirt and also if I could deal with being at a party as I am currently a non-drinking casual misanthrope.

I've been unemployed the last month, thus enabling me to focus even more on the small details of everyday life.

Smells like boring everyday life...

Quicky Googling tells me deodorant has been around since 1888 but the first spray model

came out in 1965.

I have been using Nivea deodorant for a while (anagram of Naive, just like Evian, woah)

Nivea Silver Protect claims to have magicial anti-bacterial silver ions.

At my local Coles this week they had Rexona deodorant on special, so I bought one of

 their fancy sport deodorants with weird names that don't actually tell you what they smell like.

I went for Rexona Quantum.

It's New.

"Proven to work at 58 degrees"

"One million molecules of protection"

Nice of the folks at Rexona to take the time to count the molecules.

I imagine some Scully like scientist finding the results and calling it in as an X-file.

So what does Rexona Quantum smell like?

It smells like deodorant..

It works but it I cannot compare thee to a rose or anything else in nature for that matter.

It's like deodorants have their own universe of smells now.

Ok so I do the whole online dictionary definition thing and quantum is defined as:

quantum [ˈkwɒntəm]n pl -ta [-tə]

1. (Physics / Atomic Physics) Physics

a.  the smallest quantity of some physical property, such as energy, that a system can possess according to the quantum theory

b.  a particle with such a unit of energy

2. amount or quantity, esp a specific amount

3. (often used with a negative) the least possible amount that can suffice there is not a quantum of evidence for your accusation

4. something that can be quantified or measured

5. (modifier) loosely, sudden, spectacular, or vitally important

Still doesn't explain the smell.

But the closest I can get is the definition 4. something that can be quantified or measured

So yes it can be measured, but I still can't explain what it smells like.

Better than the smell of my armpits at least.

The nozzle on the Rexona  bottle has to be pressed really hard like it's a Mortein bottle.

Actualy I think this Rexona shit could also kill flies in one spray.

And spiders. And children.

Pretty sure it is also destroying the ozone layer.

Sorry about that.

Now I'm going to try and figure out why my fucking mobile phone is putting all my calls on hold.

Happy Halloween.

Shallow End...

The Shallow End

There is nothing much of me

What you get is what you see

Days and nights I’m loathe to be

Living in the shallow end

Start the coffee rinse a cup

Like Neil Young I’m fucking up

There’s nothing left to teach this pup

Living in the shallow end

When I go out I feel the stench

Of every hipster, every wench

I might as well fall in a trench

Living in the shallow end

Ever met a man so rich

That he just laughs and calls you bitch?

The post modern ironic switch

Living in the shallow end

I’ve got no work I’ve got no style

I cannot think my luck is vile

My teeth so bad I’m scared to smile

Living in the shallow end

My timing is all out of whack

I keep my worries in a sack

I’m overweight so I wear black

Living in the shallow end

My reputation’s really bad

I remind you of your dad

You’re so nice it makes me sad

Living in the shallow end

I’ve medicines to keep me well

My life has been a stinking hell

Where it will end I cannot tell

Living in the shallow end

Living in the shallow end

Living in the shallow end

Living in the shallow end

Living in the shallow end

From the song on my Rentboy myspace.