I Am Not Peter Helliar, I Am A Human Being!

I am not Peter Helliar.
I was at a party last night and an asian girl
yelled out "Peter Helliar!" as I walked off the dance floor.


Sure, I high-fived her but deep down I felt it was fatist.


Being overweight in Melbourne, you're about
 as popular as a Jew in Nazi occupied Germany.

I should have said:
"Thanks for that Poh from Masterchef!"

Hello Lauren!

Pretty much everytime I've seen my friend Lauren Bamford recently she has said that she goes to check my blog

and is disappointed nothing new is up....

I've been a bit hesistant to add much to this blog, seeing as much of it was written in an incredibly manic state.

Though seems to make for good reading.

However as Lauren pointed out, I can just add stuff that I think is cool.

Anyway first  I'll throw up link to my solo act Rentboy's Nocturnal Emissions e.p.

the link is here for a free download.

Hmm...

Things have been o.k so far this year, peformed a couple of solo gigs, Midnight Caller

also have a new set of songs which we can't wait to playlive.

That's enough for today....

Here's an awesome live clip of Gang of Four doing  "Anthrax"

One of my favourite songs.

Casual misanthropy, deodorant and other thoughts...

Hmm.
Hello there.

It's hot Melbourne weather and I have my top off as I write this.

Don't worry, no photos.

I'll leave that image to your imagination.

It's Halloween and I'm wondering if I can pull off just wearing a hawaiian t-shirt and also if I could deal with being at a party as I am currently a non-drinking casual misanthrope.

I've been unemployed the last month, thus enabling me to focus even more on the small details of everyday life.

Smells like boring everyday life...

Quicky Googling tells me deodorant has been around since 1888 but the first spray model

came out in 1965.

I have been using Nivea deodorant for a while (anagram of Naive, just like Evian, woah)

Nivea Silver Protect claims to have magicial anti-bacterial silver ions.

At my local Coles this week they had Rexona deodorant on special, so I bought one of

 their fancy sport deodorants with weird names that don't actually tell you what they smell like.

I went for Rexona Quantum.

It's New.

"Proven to work at 58 degrees"

"One million molecules of protection"

Nice of the folks at Rexona to take the time to count the molecules.

I imagine some Scully like scientist finding the results and calling it in as an X-file.

So what does Rexona Quantum smell like?

It smells like deodorant..

It works but it I cannot compare thee to a rose or anything else in nature for that matter.

It's like deodorants have their own universe of smells now.

Ok so I do the whole online dictionary definition thing and quantum is defined as:

quantum [ˈkwɒntəm]n pl -ta [-tə]

1. (Physics / Atomic Physics) Physics

a.  the smallest quantity of some physical property, such as energy, that a system can possess according to the quantum theory

b.  a particle with such a unit of energy

2. amount or quantity, esp a specific amount

3. (often used with a negative) the least possible amount that can suffice there is not a quantum of evidence for your accusation

4. something that can be quantified or measured

5. (modifier) loosely, sudden, spectacular, or vitally important

Still doesn't explain the smell.

But the closest I can get is the definition 4. something that can be quantified or measured

So yes it can be measured, but I still can't explain what it smells like.

Better than the smell of my armpits at least.

The nozzle on the Rexona  bottle has to be pressed really hard like it's a Mortein bottle.

Actualy I think this Rexona shit could also kill flies in one spray.

And spiders. And children.

Pretty sure it is also destroying the ozone layer.

Sorry about that.

Now I'm going to try and figure out why my fucking mobile phone is putting all my calls on hold.

Happy Halloween.

Shallow End...

The Shallow End

There is nothing much of me

What you get is what you see

Days and nights I’m loathe to be

Living in the shallow end

Start the coffee rinse a cup

Like Neil Young I’m fucking up

There’s nothing left to teach this pup

Living in the shallow end

When I go out I feel the stench

Of every hipster, every wench

I might as well fall in a trench

Living in the shallow end

Ever met a man so rich

That he just laughs and calls you bitch?

The post modern ironic switch

Living in the shallow end

I’ve got no work I’ve got no style

I cannot think my luck is vile

My teeth so bad I’m scared to smile

Living in the shallow end

My timing is all out of whack

I keep my worries in a sack

I’m overweight so I wear black

Living in the shallow end

My reputation’s really bad

I remind you of your dad

You’re so nice it makes me sad

Living in the shallow end

I’ve medicines to keep me well

My life has been a stinking hell

Where it will end I cannot tell

Living in the shallow end

Living in the shallow end

Living in the shallow end

Living in the shallow end

Living in the shallow end

From the song on my Rentboy myspace.